Herm Post

  Why are my Duff Herms’ Children so Bad at Counting? “I don’t mean to say Duff Herms were ever good at counting … but, comon! I tell my Duff Herm to stack three hay bales and I come back in, and, guess what! He’s made the attic hog eat a hole in the roof so could stack four hay bales on top of each other,” says an angry Ba Herm suffering from his Duff Herms’ inability to count. When we received several similar urgent letters requesting an explanation for this strange behavior or a way to help these young Duff Herms re-learn how to count, we knew we had to write an article about it. We started at the source of the problem, the parents, because they are obviously responsible for teaching their children how to talk, walk, and apparently count. These, however, were as baffled as their Herms, saying, “We don’t teach them how to count. We never have. My parents didn’t teach me how to count! And I learned all the same!” Then, we realized we had a real mystery on our hands. First...

  Owner of Largest Hotel in Hermistan Starts Guild The owner and constructor of the largest townhouse in Hermistan, Ferbie Bullsnap, made it rich in a mining expedition in the Hills of Duff Hermistan. He quickly tired of the boring scenery and the smell and noise of the mines and made the decision to leave, his ambitious mission already in mine. Giving the business to his partner, he set out into Hermistan to find the perfect place to build his townhouse.  The place where he built it had to be somewhere with the resources and the foot-traffic to make his business successful, however, by the time he had taken his tour of Hermistan and browsed all the available plots of land, he had spent all of his extra money on expensive food and drinks and had to resort to buying a plot of land in rural, but beautiful, Kilen, in the state of Anor. Other than the occasional orc raid, the construction of the townhouse went more or less as planned, and, when finished, he claimed the Hermibil...

  Herm Claims that His Peach Tree Is Alive One night in early fall of last year, through an open window, under the light of a full moon, the corn field stirred and awoke a Duff Herm hiding within it who yelped and gave a start as the great corn plants started to walk towards him, swaying like ghosts not quite alive. He ran. Still, the corn swayed back and forth on either side of him, as if trying to catch him and pull him into their depths, and still the unmistakable sound of crunching as if by footsteps came from a short way off. This was the story of a homeless Duff Herm from that night. The walking corn plants and footsteps, of course, were just the resident Duff Herms of Lalrod Ancob’s farm, chasing away the intruder in their own mischievous way. That night, however, it was not the Duff Herm who saw the most spooky sight, but, having been awakened by the commotion outside, Lalrod himself who looked out his bedroom window at the swaying fields and creeping shadows below. ...

  HDHG Suspected of Illicit Activity When one Herm, a resident of Pozny, received a letter that he had acquired a vacant plot near the center of town, he did not know whether to be frightened or happy. He ignored the letter, dismissing it as spam, but more and more just kept coming. Stubbornly, he continued to ignore the letters, until, around a week after the letters had started coming, he received a letter from the Mayor’s Office saying that the lot was poorly kept and evidence suggested it belonged to a hoarder, and, that unless he took care of his property, the City Council was going to fine him for neglect of property. Confused, the Herm went to the clerk of the Mayor’s Office and asked if they had, in fact, sent that letter. To his surprise, according to the City’s records, he had owned the property for eleven years now. Understandably, a lot left untended for eleven years would definitely show signs of neglect. Upon finding himself in the center of the City by chance the ...