Herm Post

  Berm Calls Doccer Finals “A Fiasco” In the duodecimal-bicentennial final of the Doccer season whose predecessors have been the biggest events of the year by income and attendees since the first Doccer final in the year 31 ADH (After the Discovery of the Hogland) and throughout all of Hermistani History. The sport was first invented by Duff Herms only a few years prior and quickly gained support and a following among traditional Duff Herm communities and was eventually integrated, along with other traditional Duff Herm customs into a necessity of Hermism. “What would the world be like without Doccer,” asks ancient Duff Herm philosopher, Cobston Yibberworth in, The Sport of Doccer . “It’s hard to imagine such a world, to the point where it would be impossible to foretell what it would be like without it.” With this wisdom in mind, as fans flooded into the stands (which themselves were flooded and barely traversable due to the pouring rain), the supervisors of the event decided ...

  Storms Rage across the Nation As predicted by lead meteorologists from the Berm’s Institute of Meteorology, five time winner of the international meteorological convention for most accurate weather estimates and proud sponsors of the HermPost Berm’s Estimate Weather Report, a storm of colossal size has struck Hermistan, the first of its kind this season. Luckily, damage reports are still low as more information comes in from across the more remote regions of the Cottage Region which received as much as ten inches of rain in some parts. Hastily dug irrigation ditches aiming to move the vast quantity of water pouring down from the heavens into local streams, estuaries, and aqueducts proved ineffective, resulting in the flooding of countless farms across the three central states of the Cottage Region. The City of Cottage itself saw high rain totals, too much for the municipal sewer system which overflowed into the river. The Berms sanitation crews have been deployed to the contami...

  Himzoo Herm’s Birthday Present Revealed; Pitchfork Mystery Solved Himzoo Herm’s birthday, recognized as a national holiday by three Legislatures last year due to political pressure from the Duff Herm Satisfaction Committee, has come again, more interesting and full of conspiracies, intertwining plots, and drama than ever before. Of the many presents at the foot of Himzoo Herm’s bed this morning, none compared in size to Himzoo Herm’s true present which he would discover when he took a trip to the Garden to, in his words, “have a bite of yib.”   The corn-hungry Duff Herm quickly came upon another realization while sneaking into the shed to where the giant corn cobs were stored. When a giant pile sharply-edged golden shapes blocked his path, he groaned in frustration, or we’d like to think he did, “Himzoo Herm! I used to be able to just walk right through here!” Then, as the Berm watched, unknowingly surrounded by several of our more elite covert agents, Himzoo Herm loo...