Berm Calls Doccer Finals “A Fiasco”
In the duodecimal-bicentennial final of the Doccer season whose predecessors have been the biggest events of the year by income and attendees since the first Doccer final in the year 31 ADH (After the Discovery of the Hogland) and throughout all of Hermistani History. The sport was first invented by Duff Herms only a few years prior and quickly gained support and a following among traditional Duff Herm communities and was eventually integrated, along with other traditional Duff Herm customs into a necessity of Hermism.
“What would the world be like without Doccer,” asks ancient Duff Herm philosopher, Cobston Yibberworth in, The Sport of Doccer. “It’s hard to imagine such a world, to the point where it would be impossible to foretell what it would be like without it.” With this wisdom in mind, as fans flooded into the stands (which themselves were flooded and barely traversable due to the pouring rain), the supervisors of the event decided not to cancel, instructing their personnel to drain the field for the opening ceremony.
Many of the Doccer players, at this time, were still miles away due to unexpected delays and washed-away roads. When the managers of the two teams in question, the Great Hermlake City Giants and the Hermbul Royals, came to the chief event supervisor requesting the ceremony be delayed until all their players were present, they were met by a stern refusal and all ten of the Doccer players present attended the opening ceremony.
By the time the ceremony had concluded, the Doccer players were shivering hypothermicly, and a medical expert called them back inside to be dried off before the start of the game, whose coming was met by boos from the fans, since half the players were unknown nobody’s usually left on the bench while the star players got all the action.
Though both their offenses and defenses were hit hard by the substitutions, both goalies had managed to make it to the game, resulting in an uninteresting first quarter in which neither team was able to score and only one shot on goal was successful, although it was disqualified because of an arguably questionable off-sides ruling by the referee who reportedly was barely able to see since his hair was hanging down into his eyes.
The climax of the second quarter came when the lead forward for the Royals managed to get three penalty shots, each of which were caught by a sudden wind and knocked off course to straight where the goalie was standing. Resolved to continue the fight despite the pouring rain and anti-climactic start, both teams pushed the offense in the third quarter with the note-worthy arrival of two much needed forwards for the Royals who managed to bring in two goals coming into the fourth quarter.
At this point, with the score 2-0, the Giants were all awaiting the arrival of Hermibilius and the head coach employed stall tactics to try to lengthen the game as much as possible so Hermibilius could arrive for the last few minutes. He did, and just in time, as the Giants were beginning a desperate offensive push along the right edge of the field. A long pass across the width of the field to the left corner left Hermibilius in scoring position, with the goalie, as of yet, still unaware of his arrival.
The point received a resounding applause from the audience who were all now at the edge of their seats. Could Hermibilius pull out with the win? The last few minutes of the game were, according to adamant Giant fan Riceley Palostick, “some of the most intense of my life, followed closely by the time I met John Barley Duff Herm.”
The Giant’s defense managed to take back possession off the ball, passing it to Hermibilius who sprinted as fast as he could across the field, and, as he was about to shoot, only moments before the whistle blew, a loud noise pulled his attention away from the game and the howling of a hurricane force wind pushed all the players off the field regardless of team or position. A tornado had smashed through the outer wall of the stadium, sending debris and bits of wood flying. Luckily, only three Duff Herms lost their lives since the bleacher in question, having been hastily constructed just before the finals, was mostly vacant when the tornado struck, since none of its ticket holders hadn’t managed to reach the City due to the storm.
The whistle blew as players and fans alike sprinted desperately away from the stands, the Royals’ team manager carrying with him the Doccer Cup and raising it proudly into the air in front of the Statehouse where the award ceremony was held due to the sudden apparition of the tornado. Though the outcome of the game is still under debate, the Berm says, “The most important thing is not who won but to acknowledge how lucky we are that we lost so few … in my opinion, everybody who came out of there alive is a winner. Thank goodness, Hermibilius was there to carry Himzoo Herm away from all the trouble. I fear he might not be with us without him.”
On that sorry note, we end today’s article, not with the aspect of joy and glee that this game is known for but with an understanding of the terrible events of that day. Thank you for reading, and due to your support, the HermPost corporate fund will be donating 10,000 Herm Dollars to the estates of the three dead Duff Herms and the reconstruction efforts in Hermatan. Thank you again for reading.
Comments
Post a Comment