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Daily Update 12/1

 Himzoo Herm’s Birthday Present Revealed; Pitchfork Mystery Solved

Himzoo Herm’s birthday, recognized as a national holiday by three Legislatures last year due to political pressure from the Duff Herm Satisfaction Committee, has come again, more interesting and full of conspiracies, intertwining plots, and drama than ever before. Of the many presents at the foot of Himzoo Herm’s bed this morning, none compared in size to Himzoo Herm’s true present which he would discover when he took a trip to the Garden to, in his words, “have a bite of yib.”

  The corn-hungry Duff Herm quickly came upon another realization while sneaking into the shed to where the giant corn cobs were stored. When a giant pile sharply-edged golden shapes blocked his path, he groaned in frustration, or we’d like to think he did, “Himzoo Herm! I used to be able to just walk right through here!”

Then, as the Berm watched, unknowingly surrounded by several of our more elite covert agents, Himzoo Herm looked up and fell over on his back. “What?” he said, astonished, but with glee, as he began to count each of the pitchforks one by one. Four hundred and eighty-nine, four hundred and ninety! There they all were! Every last one of them, and, at the bottom of the pile where Himzoo Herm hadn’t thought to look, was another sparkling golden object, though this one was definitely not a pitchfork.

It is said that a Himzoo Herm has never sprinted so fast in its life. For all his new-found glee at having been reunited with his pitchforks, the sight of the one thing he wanted more than all else made him simply ecstatic. He rushed over to where the Golden Doccer ball lay on the ground and raised it over his head like a Doccer champion hefting the Doccer Cup, and with all the contentment of a well-fed yibbing Duff Herm fresh out of the pantry, he dashed into the Berm’s outstretched arms and said, “This is the best birthday ever!”

The news of the Doccer ball spread through the City like fire, and Duff Herms for miles were itching to get a glimpse of the mythical object. When they arrived at the Royal Doccer Field, they were met by another surprise, however, when they noticed Hermibilius sitting next to Himzoo Herm on the Berm’s Bench, apparently chatting with him idly. 

They were talking about the adventure Hermibilius had had to go on to get the Doccer ball for Himzoo Herm which he later explained to us when we asked. He was also more than happy to boast of having won 1 - 10 in the Doccer game they later played with the priceless Doccer ball (the only point Himzoo Herm scored was a ricochet off the Bench.)

Speaking of Doccer, today’s sponsor is the National Doccer Assocation who has announced that there are now a few hundred extra seats available for purchase in a new box constructed just a couple days ago. Hurry to the nearest ticket vendor to figure out what good deals await this last minute purchase which will require potential buyers to set out at once to make the journey to Hermatan before the start of the game. Best luck to all you thrill seekers, and make sure to pick up a HermPost outside the Doccer Stadium to hear our report on the Storm which is said to be coming soon.


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