Ba Herms Celebrate Harvest
In Vilatio, Herms have begun to celebrate a winter harvest with a feast to rival the Berm’s. This festive season brings many celebrations throughout Hermistan; these celebrations often include feasts, decorations, and singing. The reason the feast in Vilatio is so impressive is because of its size. This feast has drawn in Herms from as far away as Hermul and will take place in a Doccer Stadium. According to the official organizer, Jimcorn II, “We plan to set up five tables lengthwise on the field which could seat as many as five thousand Herms. Next, we will bring out the food on huge trays and platters. Then, we will use our Duff Herms to pass out Silverware and the feast will begin!”
The planning for this feast goes back to the construction of the tables last January of this year when the leaders of the state of Borderwine ordered six tables to be constructed. The tables were made six feet wide on either end and built to seat around five hundred Herms on each side. The tables were built with a special area in the middle for Duff Herm waiters and volunteers to pass out items to the Herms.
Local blacksmith, Mawheetzy, says, “I’ve been working since February to make all these spoons and knives and they’re still importing loads from Hermville! Mind you, I’m not making any forks. If you get an update about how they’re going to get all their forks, be sure to tell me right away.”
Himzoo Herm’s Trial Begins After A Multitude of Delays
Himzoo Herms have long been known to cause frequent trouble with their money and influence over the Duff Herm population, but, often, it does not come to a trial and when it does, it is usually not about greed like this one is. The charges brought against Himzoo Herm by the Chancellor of Hermul and the Hermul Committee of Fraud are as follows: Himzoo Herm knowingly used government money to illegally purchase, without the consent of an Administrative Council, a 956 Dollar Golden Doccer Ball which he kept for himself and had no positive effect or satisfaction for the civilian population as it was supposed to.
Himzoo Herm does not deny these claims, but, he says, “It was the prize for the Doccer Championships! It was the reason all the players played so well and made all of those Duff Herms as happy as they’ve ever been. I would call them satisfied with my use of money which is, after all, my job.”
In the end, Himzoo Herm’s argument won out and he was left with a warning to not spend more of the government’s money without permission again. The final vote to convict him was 44 in favor and 66 against. The vote to appeal in Hermbul failed: 19 in favor and 81 against. In fact, seven of the ten members of the Duff Herm Satisfaction Committee voted not to hear the case, proving Himzoo Herm’s good intent and Duff Hermly innocence.
Investigation Into Doccer Terrorism Begins; Could Himzoo Herm Be Responsible
In an investigation led by Himzoo Herm and the Chancellor of the Central Region, Hoeberth III, on the suspicious activity that resulted in the injury of the Pozny Team Goalkeeper, there have been recent discoveries that suggest that the Goalkeeper was actually sabotaged by some angry fans. One witness came to the HermPost office in Yostacorn to claim their reward, and this is what they said, “I was there … I had just gotten out of the early access line, and I saw three GHLC fans walking out of the Himzoo Herm’s line. They proceeded to walk out onto the field with a stake … just like the one you found near the Pozny Goal. I went to go get Popcorn, so I didn’t see how it ended, but I’m certain they were the suspects.”
The Duff Herms in question are missing and the witness says that he did not get a good enough look at them to determine who they were. The Chancellor, Hoeberth, was pleased to get some hint as to what happened. Himzoo Herm, on the other hand, was not so happy that he had been the one who had let in the vandals that may have ruined the chances of his preferred team winning. When asked, Himzoo Herm said, “I know I can’t have let anyone bad in … they all looked like such great Duff Herms … a good Duff Herm wouldn’t ruin a Doccer game … would they?”
Is John Barley Duff Herm Real Or Is He A Joke?
Well, actually, he’s both! Originally, in a cartoon made by a Stanistani cartoonist, he was meant to portray a stupid Duff Herm who ate everything he crossed paths with. This was meant to rally the Stanistani to stop the Duff Herm trade (which it sort of did), but it instead became a popular symbol of Hermism among. The Duff Herms who did like eating excessively.
John Barley Duff Herm is also a real Duff Herm with similar characteristics to the ones described in the cartoon. He lives in Cottage and enjoys eating lots of barley. Since his birth, comics and other books have been written both about him and his fantastical Stanistani counterpart. There is one key distinction between the two: the real John Barley Duff Herm likes to eat barley and the fake doesn’t (but does so anyway).
Himzoo Herm Let Hermibilius Buy Ten Seats In the Final Doccer Game
As observant Duff Herms may have noticed, ten seats out of all of the Doccer Stadium were empty during the game. Most Duff Herms either noticed this but didn’t care or didn’t see it at all. These ten seats belonged to Hermibilius who was able to, against customs, purchase more than one seat for himself. After a few questions, Hermibilius confessed that it had been Himzoo Herm who had let him buy so many seats and that he had been willing to sell extra seats to anyone for a bonus fee that he said went to him as part of a negotiating bonus offered by the organizers.
This was made up, but it did make Himzoo Herm some profits that, until now, were unknown. According to rumors, Himzoo Herm spent the money on buying the Berm a new heavyweight golf club, but the legitimacy of these claims are unknown.
Berm’s Reassurances
The Berm has released a few instructions to reassure Herms who have relied on the government’s Disaster Fund previously; he says that it will continue this year due to a unanimous agreement in the Disaster Management Council to approve 4000 Herm dollars to be put into this year’s fund from the Disaster Management budget. The Berm has also announced that any Herms affected by natural disasters would be covered by the fund until all eligible damages were repaired even if the fund gets retired in coming years.
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