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Daily Update 1/15

 Duff Herm Beats Ba Herm In Doccer One on One

The Duff Herm who gets the prestigious new record for the only Duff Herm to have taken on a Ba Herm in the game of Doccer alone is … Hermibilius, of course! After years of athletic improvement and gladiation events, Hermibilius has greatly improved his strength and agility since he took on his first lion in Dromewash and won within four minutes. Since then, he has become a sort of celebrity, known across Hermistan for his amazing gladiation and immense Doccer skill. Though he decided to sit out the last Doccer tournament in Yostacorn because of a sprained ankle, he has proven himself again in a one on one against a professional Ba Herm Doccer player. 

At mid-time, the score was 2 to 2. As the second half progressed, however, it became clear that Hermibilius had an advantage. After his opponent lost possession multiple times and only barely beat him back to the goal, it was clear that Hermibilius would soon take the lead. The question was: Would he be able to do it in time? He did, in fact, in the last two minutes that he scored his third goal and won the game. He said in an interview that, “It feels awkward to give myself an award … I was hoping to get rid of my money by making them out of solid gold, but it looks like I’ve got to take this one back. Maybe … Himzoo Herm will come to my house in a week and pay me a fortune to get it … just an idea, though.”

After Hermibilius made the arrangements for a rigged game of Doccer with the fattest Herm he could find, all there was to do was wait. The Berm denies accusations that the Himzoo Herm is going to participate in the game, but in a classified briefing, he said to the heads of his Secret Police Department that, “You’ve got to bring him back! The State and the Monarchy can’t face another embarrassment of this variety … especially right before the Federal Conference. I want him back here in a week’s time, and I don’t want him to go so much as four miles away from Hermibilius’s house! This is no time for a vacation.” 

Don’t ask how we got this classified information … there definitely isn’t a HermPost Reporter in the Berm’s Secret Police. Actually though, we weren’t being sarcastic: There probably isn’t. Though our sources are anonymous, one reporter by the name of Hoobahermabob says that it was him who got the information. He says, “It was easy … no one suspects anything when they see a reporter in a briefing, and I fit in like any other. A little bit of nonchalantness, and some lies and you can get into just about anywhere.”

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