Herm Post

  Berm Declares that Now is a Good Time for a Week End After many months of hard work and governing related chores, the Berm has decided that now is a great time for a week end. Most Herms agree with this statement because, for them, it is already the week end, but what they don’t realize is that the Berm doesn’t usually get holidays. Himzoo Herm hated to admit it but said earlier, “Sometimes, I just leave and make the Berm do all my work … come to think of it, it’s strange that he doesn’t do the same with me … he does deserve a vacation every now and again.” We all know why the Berm doesn’t give all his work to Himzoo Herm: he would just write “yib” all over them and then announce that his diet was correct because he no longer had any more yibs . However, even with this announcement and the Berm’s Royal Caravan heading away to South Hermbul to escape the hustle and bustle of Hermbul but to be close enough to return in the case of an emergency, law makers still expected the Berm...

  Duff Herm Gets Stuck on Herm Hut A resident Duff Herm of a farming community just outside Hermbul was subjected to an unthinkable form of discipline. After being seen at a local pub with a sign reading Big Corn above the front door, he was placed forcedly on top of a Herm Hut when his Herm came into the room and heard the unmistakable sound of a yiberation which is a modern slang word for when a Duff Herm liberates themselves of a large quantity of yibs .  It was 4 o’clock when he was caught, and, only two minutes later, he had been dumped in the Hog Pen which, surprisingly, was still saturated even after many months with little rain. Afterwards, in an interesting trick of putting him on top of his own Herm Hut, the Herm caused mass humiliation when all the local Duff Herms started gathering around to catch a glimpse of the Duff Herm that was stranded on top of his own Herm Hut.  After an hour of humiliation, Himzoo Herm arrived at the farm and said, “This is m...

  Ba Herms Fall over Because of News Ba Herms across the nation were falling like easily startled goats yesterday after the news of the dramatic and unorthodox attack on the Himzoo Herm reached them in their isolated villages. A Herm in a big city says, “I’m used to it. After enough scandals and power struggles, it’s just a good story and not news that knocks the Duff Herms out of you.”  Herms in the countryside, however, are more unprepared for such jarring news and often fall over when they finish reading it. This was especially problematic for Herms in the new Southern Frontier where Herms brave the desertous conditions and settle near the Stanistani border where they say water will one day come down from the dry mountains and turn their lives upside down. All we can say for now is that they have been quite thoroughly turned upside down. One Herm south of Borderwine reports that he was upside down for an entire day during which his Duff Herms ate all of the cereal in his...

  Duff Herm Conspiracy Theorist Becomes Envy of the Neighborhood It has long been said, both by neighborhood bullies and the Himzoo Herm, that Duff Herm Conspiracy Theorists (Duff Herms that believe in Fig Duffs and often petition for the Conspiracy Theorist Agenda) are unattractive to Footmellon and Fig Gourd Duffs. In many regions of Hermistan this is an extremely offensive thing to say, as finding Footmellon and Fig Gourd Duffs is an essential part of a Duff Herm’s life. Oftentimes, many Duff Herms gather in local creeks and forests to coax out the wild Duffs. The two Mellon Duffs in particular participate in a tradition where they sing a song with the following lines. When the Footmellon Duff is happy. When the Fig Gourd Duff is happy. When the Duffoo Herm is happy! It is common knowledge that the Mellon Duffs prefer older Duff Herms, particularly Grandma Herms and Herms with terminal illnesses. Like all Duffs they are kind and compassionate and have a sweet spot for ...

Himzoo Herm Framed; Conspiracy Theorists Plan Evil Scheme as Parade Energy Dies Down As the inspired Duff Herms that saw the Laziness Parade become less active, the Conspiracy Theorist Party is rumored to be planning its next great movement towards national domination. The Conspiracy Theorists usual election-rigging tactics seem to have been discarded in exchange for a new unheard of and unknown tactic that a whistleblower from within the inner circle of the Conspiracy Theorists said could lead to massive riots and rebellions across Hermistan. By the request of the Hermbul Legislature, the Herm in question gave several briefings to top government officials about the plan and left in custody after a conference with Himzoo Herm in his study ended in a word that shook the nation: Pech . Himzoo Herm immediately denied the claims of around a dozen witnesses of the embarrassing act saying that he did not say ‘ pech’ but rather someone else in the room had said it and that he didn’t know...

Himzoo Herm Fines Hermibilius for 2,000 Herm Dollars After a district court ruled that Hermibilius was innocent under charges of emotional damage, the prosecutors sued Hermibilius again for violating the local Neighboring Herm Code that stated that, “No Duff Corn shall be dropped on property not owned by the defendant." The intention of this act was to prevent the Duff Corn build up at the end of streets where Duff Corns getting dropped over the neighbors’ fences soon caused Herms with only one neighbor to accumulate large numbers of Duff Corns since they had no ability to dispose of them over the neighbor’s fence. This was not a scenario that lawmakers envisioned when they wrote the Code, and, because it’s such a publicized case, it was agreed to let Himzoo Herm decide the outcome as his Committee was recently tasked with satisfying Duff Corns as well as Duff Herms. As the leading figure in national Duff Herm and Duff Corn legislation, Himzoo Herms opinion is extremely importan...

  Duff Herms Hold Laziness Parade, Herms Baffled Herms across the nation were confused when an anonymous organization of Duff Herms, likely with some connection to the Duff Herm Satisfaction Committee, began a three day laziness march on the Egland Road. One Reporter, baffled by the seemingly contradictory nature of these Duff Herms who were evidently celebrating laziness by being active, asked a fat Duff Herm who he thought was the leader what the point of all this was. He said, “We want all the Duff Herms to know that it’s time to be lazy again.” Later, he pointed out that his parade was one of the laziest ever made. He cited that their signs and posters utilized minimal creativity, many containing a single word: LAZY. This explanation was brought into question, however, when a few members of the parade held a circus in the name of laziness. A doctor at the local hospital, having had to tend to circus want-to-be’s, says, “This parade has done the opposite of making Duff Herms...

  Potato Dress-Up Competition Begins in Pherton Near Hermbul, in the historic farming community of Pherton that was established by the first Herms to settle the continent, Ba Herms and Duff Herms alike are preparing to celebrate the most important festival of the year, the Potato Dressing Festival. Many locals have carried this tradition on from ancient times when the first Duff Herms were discovered in the New World. The potatoes, often dressed up or carved out to look like Duff Herms, were presented as a display of good will to the local Duff Herms. Capitol folk, members of the Legislature, and farmers from all over the Central and Cottage Regions have gathered to watch the legendary festival take place. Many have brought their own potatoes, the largest of their yield and the ones most convincingly made into Duff Herms. Excited Festival goers have gathered around one stall in particular where a Herm is sculpting a potato the size of a watermelon into a perfect impression of his...