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Daily Update 6/19

Himzoo Herm Framed; Conspiracy Theorists Plan Evil Scheme as Parade Energy Dies Down

As the inspired Duff Herms that saw the Laziness Parade become less active, the Conspiracy Theorist Party is rumored to be planning its next great movement towards national domination. The Conspiracy Theorists usual election-rigging tactics seem to have been discarded in exchange for a new unheard of and unknown tactic that a whistleblower from within the inner circle of the Conspiracy Theorists said could lead to massive riots and rebellions across Hermistan. By the request of the Hermbul Legislature, the Herm in question gave several briefings to top government officials about the plan and left in custody after a conference with Himzoo Herm in his study ended in a word that shook the nation: Pech.

Himzoo Herm immediately denied the claims of around a dozen witnesses of the embarrassing act saying that he did not say ‘pech’ but rather someone else in the room had said it and that he didn’t know who. Guards at the doors later found the Herm from the Conspiracy Theorists trying to sneak out the secret door in his secret closet that had been left open in an attempt to make it look as if Himzoo Herm had been eating peaches when he had in fact been eating green beans, an arguably healthier food.

After the Conspiracy Theorist’s Herm admitted everything again, this time blaming three influential representatives from the Great Hermlake Legislature for organizing a break-in to the Royal Palace and making it seem as if Himzoo Herm had said pech, he said that the Conspiracy Theorists had replaced Himzoo Herm’s successor with an imposter so that they could create Duff Herm Rebellions at the first opportunity once the existing Himzoo Herm would be inevitably replaced for saying pech. 

Lead investigators think the Herm still has something to hide and worked desperately to try to force the information out of him so they could give a proper explanation to the public about what had happened. They were too late, however, and the Palace Grounds were soon filled with angry Duff Herms demanding an explanation for what they thought they had heard. Himzoo Herm was kept in a secure location and his decoy was assaulted several times by Duff Herms wielding bean-launching dart shooters until his arrest was ordered by the Hermbul Legislature under the terms that Himzoo Herm was no longer allowed to have impersonators in the Palace.

However, this was the wrong move, and even more Duff Herms arrived to protest for the Himzoo Herm’s right to hire impersonators. Lead Representatives and officials from the Duff Herm Satisfaction Committee promised to give tax cuts to Street Corn vendors if the protestors calmed down and they did exactly that. The protesters only dispersed, however, when the Berm and the real Himzoo Herm came out to give an official explanation. Our writers have been so busy we haven’t been able to check on what else they’re doing but the editors think that the Conspiracy Theorists may be trying to act while the commotion remains.

 

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