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Weekly Report 6/8

 Potato Dress-Up Competition Begins in Pherton

Near Hermbul, in the historic farming community of Pherton that was established by the first Herms to settle the continent, Ba Herms and Duff Herms alike are preparing to celebrate the most important festival of the year, the Potato Dressing Festival. Many locals have carried this tradition on from ancient times when the first Duff Herms were discovered in the New World. The potatoes, often dressed up or carved out to look like Duff Herms, were presented as a display of good will to the local Duff Herms.

Capitol folk, members of the Legislature, and farmers from all over the Central and Cottage Regions have gathered to watch the legendary festival take place. Many have brought their own potatoes, the largest of their yield and the ones most convincingly made into Duff Herms. Excited Festival goers have gathered around one stall in particular where a Herm is sculpting a potato the size of a watermelon into a perfect impression of his Duff Herm. 

Many Duff Herm carvings currently adorn the stoops of countless locals and some as far away as Hermsul, but the judges are quite certain that this mega-potato will win the top prize for largest and most realistic carving. Other large potatoes have been seen at this Festival before, but one of its organizers, Heyfield Butternut, says, “In all my many years workin’ fuh dis festival, I’ve never seern any potatuh quite like dis one.”

Mr. Butternut, who has run the festival for over twenty years, says that this sculpture will be one for the records and, as long as it holds the record, its painting will be displayed within the Community Center. Copies of this painting have spread to mansions across the country, some reporting to have seen one in Mountainville.

 Duff Herm’s Sewing Machine Revealed to Be a Fraud

Herms were shocked when a Duff Herm inventor claimed to have streamlined the process of sewing and knitting, using a compact machine around the size of a kitchen sink, claiming that it could reduce sewing time by a factor of 200%. Herms that could afford the innovation rushed to the auction house, and a representative from the Hermistani Fabrics Guild and another from the Hermistani Knitters’ Guild came with corporate sponsoring with the one goal of being the company that possessed a monopoly on the new innovation. After two days of bidding done by two different auctioneers, the machine was sold for a whopping 5,460 Herm Dollars by the Knitters’ Guild. The rights to the invention went for an even more startling 10,250 Herm Dollars to the Fabrics Guild. 

While the Knitters’ Guild’s lawyers tried to argue with authorities to get the rights to produce more of the machine, the Fabrics Guild went all in on trying to produce as many as possible. The original inventor was hired to produce 1,000 more for 3,000 Herm Dollars. However, when the Fabrics Guild sent a safety inspector to check on the operation, he found money, inventor, and the majority of the sewing machines to be gone.

Inspecting the one sewing machine left behind, he discovered that the machines were actually used to house Duff Herms which did all the sewing through a little hole in the bottom, which the Courts determined to be illegal, and the investors determined to be worthless.


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