Skip to main content

Daily Update 6/20

 Duff Herm Conspiracy Theorist Becomes Envy of the Neighborhood

It has long been said, both by neighborhood bullies and the Himzoo Herm, that Duff Herm Conspiracy Theorists (Duff Herms that believe in Fig Duffs and often petition for the Conspiracy Theorist Agenda) are unattractive to Footmellon and Fig Gourd Duffs. In many regions of Hermistan this is an extremely offensive thing to say, as finding Footmellon and Fig Gourd Duffs is an essential part of a Duff Herm’s life. Oftentimes, many Duff Herms gather in local creeks and forests to coax out the wild Duffs. The two Mellon Duffs in particular participate in a tradition where they sing a song with the following lines.

When the Footmellon Duff is happy.

When the Fig Gourd Duff is happy.

When the Duffoo Herm is happy!


It is common knowledge that the Mellon Duffs prefer older Duff Herms, particularly Grandma Herms and Herms with terminal illnesses. Like all Duffs they are kind and compassionate and have a sweet spot for those in need. However, a follower of one of the most outspokenly criticized minority getting such recognition is quite unheard of, and the Conspiracy Theorists are making a point about it, saying that believing in the truth about Fig Duffs shows Mellon Duffs how trustworthy you are. Himzoo Herm says it’s all because of luck, and we believe that the truth is somewhere in between. 

One final note: Himzoo Herm wants everybody to know that now is a good time to talk with your Duff Corn and get rid of some yibs so that you can be better off during the laziness and gorging season. He also really wanted to be the focus of this Daily Update, but we told him that he got enough attention yesterday.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Weekly Report 2/2

  Homeless Duff Herm Guild Protests Against Large Scale Advertisement The HDHG, the largest free Duff Herm organization in the country, have begun nationwide protests, some revolving into uncontrollable mobs, that have gathered in the country’s largest cities to protest big advertisements and billboards. The Department of Emergency Management says that, “Two hundred billboards worth a grand total of 1,900 Herm Dollars were destroyed by protesters.” While the Department (which is largely run by members of the HDHG) discusses their next move, the Homeless Duff Herm Guild has started a massive mobilization of militias across the country. The leaders of the guild have been silent about their intentions, but the members of the militias believe that they are needed to protect Hermistan from some unknown external threat. Currently, around a thousand Duff Herms march to the border of the Umbucci Clan of Stanistan, leading them is legendary General Jim Kurt.  One HermPost reporter ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Daily Update 12/28

  Herm In Walizburg Invents Flapjack Dispenser In Walizburg, the region that has already made such notable inventions as the double salt shaker which could dispense two different kinds of salt by just pressing one button, a young Herm craftsman and his Eri Herm apprentices invented a creation that may go down in history as a Duff Herm’s flappyjakiest toy: the Flapjack dispenser! This new innovation has already won awards from many different Herm science institutes for its clever use of mechanics and levers. Currently, two hundred copies have been made, and a hundred and eighty-two have been sold for 4 Herm Dollars and 15 cents to a throng of lucky Herms who happened to walk past the store by chance when they were going out to do their daily chores in the city and couldn’t resist buying their Duff Herms this wonderful late Christmas present.  After all the publicity from the various local newspapers, the new invention attracted many rich Herms who were eager to buy the orig...
Post a Comment
Read more

Daily Update 9/4

  HDHG Suspected of Illicit Activity When one Herm, a resident of Pozny, received a letter that he had acquired a vacant plot near the center of town, he did not know whether to be frightened or happy. He ignored the letter, dismissing it as spam, but more and more just kept coming. Stubbornly, he continued to ignore the letters, until, around a week after the letters had started coming, he received a letter from the Mayor’s Office saying that the lot was poorly kept and evidence suggested it belonged to a hoarder, and, that unless he took care of his property, the City Council was going to fine him for neglect of property. Confused, the Herm went to the clerk of the Mayor’s Office and asked if they had, in fact, sent that letter. To his surprise, according to the City’s records, he had owned the property for eleven years now. Understandably, a lot left untended for eleven years would definitely show signs of neglect. Upon finding himself in the center of the City by chance the ...
Post a Comment
Read more