Herm Post

  Berm Seen Lying on His Bench After half of a week of work abroad searching for the origin of the terrorists that attacked the Holy Ceremony last week, the Berm has finally returned to the capital, Hermbul where he is managing the operation from his palace, or, as one of our agents reported, his bench.  One of the most well-known and relevant places in Hermistan, the Berm’s Bench is usually reserved for situations of extreme importance or addresses to the public during a crisis. If you are curious in catching a glimpse of the Berm’s notorious bench, or the Berm himself, they were both seen yesterday in the middle of the Royal Grounds where the bench’s location, not the Berm’s, has resulted in the Hermbul Doccer Team winning three games on the Palace Grounds (the Berm has made them lose seven) and is notorious for once helping a Berm to make a hole in one and leading to the face-planting of several assassins and thieves who tripped on it while trying to traverse the ground...

  Duff Herms Attacked During Holy Ceremony The Berm announces that yesterday evening between 4:00 and 8:00 pm was one of the worst crisis in Hermistani history, and, that all Duff Herms lost in the disaster are eligible to claim their spots in the Royal graveyard were thirty or more generations of Berms and countless Himzoo Herms lie beneath the ground, protected by the strongest, bravest, and most loyal soldiers of their time. These victims of the terrible attack will serve as a reminder to the Berms of the past and future that, until this is solved, Hermistan will not be the same, and Duff Herms will live in fear of an oppressive force. Duff Herms, though not eager to recount the events of the evening, gave us enough details collectively to find out what was going on before and after the attack. A holy pilgrimage had been made (one of the ancient traditions of Duff Herms) to the Holy Duff Corn that is now in the center of the city of Hermbul though it had once stood there b...

  John Barley Duff Herm Invents New “Dessert” One of the many Reporters devoted to studying the weird behaviors of John Barley Duff Herm has come across one of his weirdest traditions that was, until yesterday, completely unheard of and un-studied. According to supporters of the tradition, chewing on strays of hay or, in John Barley Duff Herm’s case, barley is simply too flavorless and boring — a fact that Ba Herms deny with fervour when their Duff Herms ask them for something more flavorful to gnaw on. Then, from the darkest depths of the largely-unknown mind of John Barley Duff Herm arose a concept for a “dessert” that according to him stopped the widespread flavor-drought that he claims was created by feisty Ba Herms that never want to try new food. When our Reporter saw John Barley Duff Herm inflating and deflating his cheeks as if he was chewing on something, he knew that this new revelation would make the perfect news article. When asked what he was eating, he said, “It’s...

  Why Is a Fishing Rod Store Moving into my Village? We have received this exact question from many viewers located in small towns that question the logic behind building Fishing Rod Stores in Villages with no access to surface water, much less anywhere where you could fish. “Where there’s a store, there’s bound to be business,” said a HermPost economic expert. “The question is who and why ?” We did our best to try to figure out who the mysterious consumers were, but, in GHLC, a coastal city with easy access to a large fish-able body of water (Great Hermlake), out of the 1,000 Herms that we interviewed, only one showed any interest in fishing or buying a fishing rod.  Since our usual method of surveying Herms had yielded no results, we asked locals what they thought was the reason behind the ever-growing fishing rod industry. As soon as we opened up a booth with the question on it, however, we were flooded by a crowd of Duff Herm Conspiracy Theorists who were convinced that...