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Daily Update 10/1

 Plantation Company and Conspiracy Theorists Make Millions by “Pleasing Duff Herms”  

A HermPost economics reviewer was looking at data taken from the last few days and noticed a strange trend in the size and frequency of donations to the Conspiracy Theorist Collective Fund, the primary money source of the Conspiracy Theorists which has long been suspected of illicit activity, and the recent rise in profits and expansion of the Pillbert Plantation Company who seemed to be heading towards bankruptcy before a few days ago when the fertility rates of their Duff Herms increased by 90 percent, leading them to make millions. Both organizations explain their success by saying, “We pleased the Duff Herms.” 

 While in the past organizations have greatly profited from doing great deeds and satisfying the public, the amount of suspicious activity done recently by both organizations and the amount of negative press they’ve received in recent times suggests that a content public is not responsible for these increases in profit. “This sort of money doesn’t come from nowhere,” a HermPost economics expert said. “While the Conspiracy Theorists’ money may be untrackable, we should be able to see what the plantation company has done to make such profits.”

When we arrived in the archives, it appeared that we were not the only ones investigating the strange activity and federal detectives working for the Berm were trying to find an association between the plantation company’s activities and the recent disappearance of Hermibilius. As was soon evident, the detective guarding the door had said too much and before long the archives were filled with reporters eagerly trying to get information about where Hermibilius had gone.

We, however, had another idea. Knowing that HermPost has reporters that follow Hermibilius around all day and watch all of the exits to his house, we knew that something nefarious was at play because we had never heard about his mysterious disappearance. We rushed over to Hermibilius’s house and were the first press group to arrive. Upon interviewing our sentries at the entrances and exits to the ground, they admitted to having received orders from Himzoo Herm instructing them to make phony reports and let Hermibilius pass through.

“We expected to see him the next day and when we sent Himzoo Herm a letter asking where he had gone, he just said, ‘he is currently doing active government services and may not return for some time’ Incredible! How can they do this?!” Whatever “active government duties” Hermibilius has been assigned to, the Berm does not know about them and there are no records of a withdrawal from Himzoo Herm’s personal account or the account of the Duff Herm Satisfaction Committee.

Stumped, we went to Himzoo Herm, thinking he could help us shed some light on what had actually happened, but when we came, he blocked us out and refused to talk. The reporter who tried to take the interview said, “No Himzoo Herm in the past has ever done this before! Something very big is at stake … something to do with the Conspiracy Theorists and apparently the Pillbert Plantation Company … something so big even Himzoo Herm won’t talk.”   


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