Herm Post

  Duff Herm Slave Trade: Is It Good or Is it Bad? In this special edition of this week’s Weekly Report, we will be listing the pros and cons of  Duff Herm Slave Trade which is becoming increasingly controversial in Hermistan. We hope that you will be able to form or reform your own more educated opinion about these topics. First, we will show the results of our study. Then, we will show the evidence selected by either side of the argument. Lastly, we will list the pros and cons. Our study concludes that Duff Herms who have been on the plantation for only a few years before being sold are minimally affected by the experience, but ones that have stayed for five years or more begin to show signs of depression and paranoia. This leads some Herms to purchase the oldest Duffs at the sales, and others to purchase the younger Duffs which they believe will be easier to manage. The commissioner of the study says that, “The time on the plantation and the wagons takes a negative mental to...

  Legislatures Across Hermistan Depart on their Journeys to Hermbul Across Hermistan, the anticipation of the Federal Conference has caused both hopes and fears among the population for what their government will decide. Now, about a week before the Conference, the Legislatures, with the exception of Hermbul, have begun to venture toward the seat of the High Council, the Berm, and the Hall of the Hermbul Legislature where the Federal Conference will take place in the city of Hermbul. The farthest Legislatures departed last week, but this day marks the time when the government is shut down in most of Hermistan, with the exception of the State of Hermbul which will continue proceedings as normal. Under the third amendment to the Hermistan Book of Law, as signed by Berm Cornberticus the III of Pherton, when a Legislature is unable to perform its duties to its region and said inability is caused by a requirement of this book, the Governor shall remain to control the army, and other...

  Desperate for an Executive, GHLL Makes Up a New Position After weeks of debating the governorship, the Great Hermlake Legislature has decided to appoint the Berm-endorsed candidate, Cornibus, to a new position known as the “chancellor” which has less power than a Governor but enough to manage affairs in the State while the Legislature is away at the Federal Conference which is to begin on the first of February. Cornibus and his new administration seem skeptical of the new position and the Fraud Committee has sighted several errors with the legislative orders that dictate the role of the “chancellor”. The Governor of the Hermul, in cooperation with the High Council and its Minister, has agreed to officially postpone any hearings related to the decisions of the GHLL until after or during the Federal Conference when the government won’t be so preoccupied with its annual proceedings. Since most of the Legislatures are currently travelling towards Hermbul, the Berm has raised conc...

  Duff Herms in Cottage Eat Pumpkin in January Though we all know that the Pumpkin Season ended some time in December, some Duff Herms have begun to eat the unseasonal dish in January. A Herm in the village of Pherton says, “Oh no, Baboo Herm. All the Duff Herms will start wanting food from three months ago, and I’ll have to be feeding them snowflake-shaped Christmas cookies in March when it doesn’t even snow!” Another Herm in the same village complained that he wouldn’t be able to afford foods that nobody was growing because they were out of season. This is true: The price of pumpkin and other such seasonal products has been greatly inflated during the off-season when Herms are planting peas, potatoes, and onions, but not pumpkins. Additionally, the main suppliers of pumpkin are charging extraordinarily high prices for one can of pumpkin.  One store in Cottage advertises 5 Herm Dollar pumpkin, and another in Walizburg advertises pumpkin in a can for 7 Herm Dollars. Most Herms...

  Duff Herm Beats Ba Herm In Doccer One on One The Duff Herm who gets the prestigious new record for the only Duff Herm to have taken on a Ba Herm in the game of Doccer alone is … Hermibilius, of course! After years of athletic improvement and gladiation events, Hermibilius has greatly improved his strength and agility since he took on his first lion in Dromewash and won within four minutes. Since then, he has become a sort of celebrity, known across Hermistan for his amazing gladiation and immense Doccer skill. Though he decided to sit out the last Doccer tournament in Yostacorn because of a sprained ankle, he has proven himself again in a one on one against a professional Ba Herm Doccer player.  At mid-time, the score was 2 to 2. As the second half progressed, however, it became clear that Hermibilius had an advantage. After his opponent lost possession multiple times and only barely beat him back to the goal, it was clear that Hermibilius would soon take the lead. The que...

Do Leeches Help With Cornpox?  Though for decades the traditional medicinal practice of putting leeches on Duff Herms has been said to cure anything from Cornpox to terminal cancer, recent studies show that these so-called “benefits” are more fantasy than reality. The Berm’s chief medical expert, Higbobbins Rascular III, said in a press conference concerning Cornpox by the Department of Health yesterday that, “Attaching leeches to anything … most of all your Duff Herms is one of the dumbest things you can do. Not only are the supposed benefits unproven, recent investigations show that leeches may be spreading diseases like Cornpox from Duff to Duff.” The conference was full of new surprises for the Herms watching. These were not limited to the repeated disprovings of traditional medical practices which have undoubtedly been heard by every doctor in Hermistan, the real surprises came when Higbobbins announced that Duff Corn plants might be the source of the disease. He says, “Tw...

  Governor of Great Hermlake Impeached After losing the support of the Conspiracy Theorists, the number of representatives supporting the current Governor of the Great Hermlake Legislature were few in number, since many of the representatives believed that the Governor was responsible for starting the Christmas Coup by challenging the Berm’s authority. In a vote for impeachment that was started by a Bill signed by forty members of the Legislature (double the required twenty). Thus, the Governor’s position was brought into question. The Bill contained claims of fraud, manipulation, and not fairly representing the wishes of the Legislature. The Governor’s defense was that he never meant to start a coup and that he was just trying to reinforce the ruling of the Legislature and uphold the Law in Hermistan. After a day or so of careful deliberation and consideration, the Legislature voted in favor of impeachment, 165 to 49. This time, the Berm respected the Legislature’s decision, f...

  What Is Basketball And What Do Fig Duffs Have to Do With It? Confusion has once again entered the lives of the common Herm. In this case, as it is often, the blame falls on the Duff Herm Conspiracy Theorists (Duff Herms that believe in Fig Duffs); they are believed to be the founders of a suspicious new game called basketball. Yes, they have their own sport now.  “This is getting out of hand,” says Himzoo Herm in an interview. “I think Doccer should be the only sport that Duff Herms play because it has been since Hermistan was founded.” While Doccer was actually created four hundred years ago and not at the settlement of the Hogland, it is still true that it is one of the oldest Herm games. Himzoo Herm would later confess that he was not truly as worried about the new game and that he thought that it was little more than a way for the Conspiracy Theorists to create drama and panic. The game’s involvement with the Conspiracy Theorists has led some Herms to believe that the ga...

Conspiracy Theorists’ Leader Resigns Under Pressure From the Great Hermlake Legislature Last week, the leader of the Fraud Committee, Hermuscar Brimly, declared that they would be investigating corruption caused by the Conspiracy Theorist Party. In the beginning, most of the scandals that were confirmed came from unknown sources, but as the week went on, it became clear that Wigbobber II, leader of the Party, was responsible for multiple crimes relating to manipulation and the rigging of elections. As the list of crimes came in, the Fraud Committee, in partnership with the Disciplinary Council, began to form a Bill which they would send to the GHLL for approval. This Bill primarily consisted of punishments and criminal sentences for multiple members of the Conspiracy Theorist Party. Upon facing an unofficial conviction by a casual count of votes in the Legislature, the Governor and other leaders of the Legislature agreed to withhold his conviction if he resigned from his position a...