Herm Post

  Pitchforks Found; Berm is Culpable A thorough investigation following all standard protocols yielded no fruits for our labor, and we were forced to sit back and wait for the Pitchforks to pop up somewhere where we could relate them to the thievery. The Berm was growing weary of wasting so many government resources on one of Himzoo Herm’s personal cases and redirected most of the personnel and detectives Himzoo Herm had mobilized to other government cases where he saw them more fit. Himzoo Herm’s relentless tantrums persisted through the morning and into the afternoon, as his personal investigators were having no luck on discovering who had committed the crime. Around noon, however, the Chief HermPost Reporter of Hermbul received a message carried by hog-back for many miles bearing urgent news of the case. Who so far away could possibly have solved the case without access to the crime scene or any of the witnesses? Hermibilius, of course, and it came as no surprise to Himzoo ...

  Himzoo Herm Birthday Tragedy Himzoo Herm came running up to us this morning, quite perturbed, and I mean to say more than usual because he seemed to be having some kind of panic attack. Though he had thrown fits in front of us before, this time it seemed more real. Unsure what to do, we called for the Berm to come up and see what was the matter with him.  The Berm, just as surprised as we were to learn the cause of Himzoo Herm’s rage, assured us that Himzoo Herm would get over the loss of his Golden Pitchforks, only half of which were stolen. After a cheering-up visit to the local Waffle House, Himzoo Herm returned to his usual duties, although was more than happy to leave snide comments at all the Reporters he walked by, hinting at what he thought had happened. That afternoon, Himzoo Herm’s Saturday press conference whose focus is usually yibbing rates was packed full of reporters from various newspapers all asking the same questions: Who do you think is responsible f...

  Duff Herm Salesmen Revolutionize the Holiday Shopping Industry For decades, Westlake Incorporated has been the leading toy manufacturer targeted for young Duff Herms, though this seems soon to be changed because their lead competitor and family owned business Hodgonson Rawe, a name of Eglish roots (from the country of Egland), has been gaining an increasingly large percent of the market share, with stores on averaging stocking three of their products for each of Westlake’s.  In addition to their family-friendly and more affordable products, they sell many products for the purpose of competing with Westlake, such as their Wobbly Pitchfork , which was their response to the toy sensation the Inflatable Pitchfork . These products have been vastly overlooked because of their excessive price tags which still remain approximately 30% higher than Westlake’s. Something else has changed, however, as even their most blatant rip-offs have gained traction in the industry and 40 new ...

  Lions and Elephants Strut down the Streets of Hermatan After months of anticipation and careful planning both by the Berm and Himzoo Herm, dozens of elaborate and complex plans have been set into action to make Himzoo Herm’s birthday this year the most memorable of his life and by Himzoo Herm to figure out what surprises the Berm has planned. In addition to the drama in relation to Himzoo Herm’s birthday present, many measures will have to be taken to ensure that Himzoo Herm is able to make it to the Doccer Finals which are scheduled to be held only two days after his birthday this year and will present a difficult logistical dilemma for Himzoo Herms staffers in order for them to get him from one place to the other in such limitted time. As always, the Doccer Finals are on the move, travelling from Yostacorn last year to Hermatan this year, luckily not too far from Hermbul where Himzoo Herm’s birthday festivities will take place. The legendary event is planned to take place on ...

  Doccer Semi-finalists Come to Blows After Pozny Goalie Is Accused of Cheating In the second round of the Hermistani Doccer League’s Semi-finals, a heated game between former Finalists, Pozny, and the Great Hermlake City Giants, last years winner of the Yostacorn series, fought in an all too familiar game. Redoubled in their fervour, fans of Pozny from across the country had gathered in GHLC weeks earlier and threw a grand parade when the team and its staff entered the City and took up residence in the Away Team Hotel which serves exclusively travelling Doccer teams and their owners when they stop by the city for a game against the home team, the aforementioned GHLC Giants. The hotel has a strict privacy policy and only hires from beyond the City’s limits to avoid having workers who might try to sabotage the away team the night before the game. The hotel is also known for its extensive security measures which were on high alert the night before the game, since the City was a...