Herm Post

  Futuristic Hog Riding Equipment Causes the Death of Three Hogs Today, the obviously-inferior Hermbul Post announced that two hogs were killed in a collision that occurred because of new, more modern Hog saddles. Then, detective Poehermcorn VIII discovered that the hogs were using special saddles that were meant to carry more equipment. The cause of death was determined to be an impalement wound caused by the pitchforks that were not stowed properly in the Hog’s saddles. The unusualness of these new saddles is claimed to be the cause of a second crash that occurred directly north of the City of Cottage. In response, the Hermbul City Council announced that the hog equipment that was used in the accident would be banned from the markets of Hermbul.  Upon hearing the news, we sent HermPost Reporter Gallonhoney II to a briefing given by the inventor of the improved saddle who revealed that he invented the dangerous saddle only one month ago. Gallonhoney reports that the in...

Stolen Scarecrow Is a Fake Made of Bunlahund Wheat After the cherished scarecrow of an elderly Ba Herm was taken one night, certainly not by crows, he hired the lead detective of the local police to find and retrieve his missing scarecrow which had been an idol and role model for all the town’s Duff Herms since the Yib-olition, a sign of laziness and its positive effects on the community. While it was unpopular with the Popular Party which currently has a measly 6% of the vote across Hermistan (and is often called the “ Un Popular Party”) because it, the scarecrow, encouraged laziness and social digression, most of the locals admired its stillness and peaceful nature. The detective, Jimdough Buzzerbum, followed his leads to the moderately sized village of Wagontown where he rushed to the scene of a wagon crash and discovered that the famed scarecrow was hidden within the carnage. Upon further investigation and a taste test by a thief that broke in during the night, it was revealed t...

Ba Herms Seen Sitting on their Bums As temperatures increase, it becomes more and more vital for working Herms to take extended breaks to recover from the heat and exhaustion of intense farm labor. As many keen Homeless Duff Herms have been smart enough to observe, Ba Herms have been seeing the need recently to take breaks on their butts, sometimes, in the middle of their fields. The Secretary of the Department of Agriculture for the Central Region said today, “I’ve been sitting out the heat today, and I have to imagine that most of the Herms here are doing the same…. If lazy Ba Herms tell us anything at all, it’s that we can be pretty darn certain that the Duff Herms won’t be working at all either, but that’s a problem for Himzoo Herm and the Herm traders.” Himzoo Herm, however, has bigger problems at the moment. A shipment of rapidly-cultivated corn grown in the isolated region of Bunlahund appears to be too much for his weak stomach, and the Berm has had to announce that we may no...

  Yib Abolition Is Imposed on Wagontown After two hundred years, Duff Herms in Wagontown, a village located near the Stanistani border, are having to face the terrible conditions of the Yib-olition as it was called. A Popular Party movement in the region has resulted in more and more Duff Herms fearing that the Yib-olition may spread to their villages. According to the mayor of Wagontown, the Yib-olition was imposed by the city council two weeks ago, but was only set into action yesterday as protesters failed to pass through the State level in the Courts in order to advance to a Federal Level. The Hermatan Legislature is coming under much public pressure for this decision but still remains adamant in their pro-yib- olition stance on the case. Defending the ruling by saying that they only intended to support the communal rights of individual towns and counties. Now, however, the Legislature is receiving flocks of petitions requesting the temporary cease of such local authorities...

  Six Himzoo Herm Imposters Arrested Inside of Hermbul Palace It all began when one of the Berm’s guards was doing their usual patrol by the Gym Hall and Pool when he saw something that was impossible: there was a Himzoo Herm in the Gym working out and one in the Pool swimming. Indeed, even then, among the Himzoo Herm and Berm’s personal staff, it had been common knowledge that the Himzoo Herm does not regularly do either of these things because of an apparent disregard for his own fitness and a disliking of water. More intriguingly, when both alleged Himzoo Herms, having proper identification and looking just like the real Himzoo Herm, were brought before the Berm, he said that neither was the true Himzoo Herm and that he must be lurking somewhere in the Palace.  Although Himzoo Herm impersonators are common throughout Hermistan and it is not unusual for them to enter the Palace, something more strange was immediately obvious: the Himzoo Herm had said that he would be in th...

  Herms Quiet Down as the Dry Season Begins Herms have long awaited and dreaded the coming of the Dry Season: it bodes well for the Hermistani Institution, offering a brief period of stability and laziness as the farmers hunker down and prepare to wait out the Summer months in their houses and not protesting out on the streets. In an interview, a clerk from the Legislature of Walizburg tells a Reporter, “In a sense, the Spring represents a time of political and cultural growth. But, on the other hand, it represents a time of drama and instability for Herms when everybody’s deciding which crops they’ll be growing next year. Combined with the National Elections and Federal Conference, and farm expenses due at the end of the growing season, it’s one of the most chaotic times for us all.” The Legislature in question, the Walizburg Legislature, is going so far as to lower spending in such important Agencies as Crowd Management Special Council and Emergency Mail Service Department (large...