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Daily Update 12/3

  Berm Calls Doccer Finals “A Fiasco” In the duodecimal-bicentennial final of the Doccer season whose predecessors have been the biggest events of the year by income and attendees since the first Doccer final in the year 31 ADH (After the Discovery of the Hogland) and throughout all of Hermistani History. The sport was first invented by Duff Herms only a few years prior and quickly gained support and a following among traditional Duff Herm communities and was eventually integrated, along with other traditional Duff Herm customs into a necessity of Hermism. “What would the world be like without Doccer,” asks ancient Duff Herm philosopher, Cobston Yibberworth in, The Sport of Doccer . “It’s hard to imagine such a world, to the point where it would be impossible to foretell what it would be like without it.” With this wisdom in mind, as fans flooded into the stands (which themselves were flooded and barely traversable due to the pouring rain), the supervisors of the event decided ...
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Daily Update 12/2

  Storms Rage across the Nation As predicted by lead meteorologists from the Berm’s Institute of Meteorology, five time winner of the international meteorological convention for most accurate weather estimates and proud sponsors of the HermPost Berm’s Estimate Weather Report, a storm of colossal size has struck Hermistan, the first of its kind this season. Luckily, damage reports are still low as more information comes in from across the more remote regions of the Cottage Region which received as much as ten inches of rain in some parts. Hastily dug irrigation ditches aiming to move the vast quantity of water pouring down from the heavens into local streams, estuaries, and aqueducts proved ineffective, resulting in the flooding of countless farms across the three central states of the Cottage Region. The City of Cottage itself saw high rain totals, too much for the municipal sewer system which overflowed into the river. The Berms sanitation crews have been deployed to the contami...
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Daily Update 12/1

  Himzoo Herm’s Birthday Present Revealed; Pitchfork Mystery Solved Himzoo Herm’s birthday, recognized as a national holiday by three Legislatures last year due to political pressure from the Duff Herm Satisfaction Committee, has come again, more interesting and full of conspiracies, intertwining plots, and drama than ever before. Of the many presents at the foot of Himzoo Herm’s bed this morning, none compared in size to Himzoo Herm’s true present which he would discover when he took a trip to the Garden to, in his words, “have a bite of yib.”   The corn-hungry Duff Herm quickly came upon another realization while sneaking into the shed to where the giant corn cobs were stored. When a giant pile sharply-edged golden shapes blocked his path, he groaned in frustration, or we’d like to think he did, “Himzoo Herm! I used to be able to just walk right through here!” Then, as the Berm watched, unknowingly surrounded by several of our more elite covert agents, Himzoo Herm loo...
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Weekly Report 11/30

  Pitchforks Found; Berm is Culpable A thorough investigation following all standard protocols yielded no fruits for our labor, and we were forced to sit back and wait for the Pitchforks to pop up somewhere where we could relate them to the thievery. The Berm was growing weary of wasting so many government resources on one of Himzoo Herm’s personal cases and redirected most of the personnel and detectives Himzoo Herm had mobilized to other government cases where he saw them more fit. Himzoo Herm’s relentless tantrums persisted through the morning and into the afternoon, as his personal investigators were having no luck on discovering who had committed the crime. Around noon, however, the Chief HermPost Reporter of Hermbul received a message carried by hog-back for many miles bearing urgent news of the case. Who so far away could possibly have solved the case without access to the crime scene or any of the witnesses? Hermibilius, of course, and it came as no surprise to Himzoo ...
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Daily Update 11/29

  Himzoo Herm Birthday Tragedy Himzoo Herm came running up to us this morning, quite perturbed, and I mean to say more than usual because he seemed to be having some kind of panic attack. Though he had thrown fits in front of us before, this time it seemed more real. Unsure what to do, we called for the Berm to come up and see what was the matter with him.  The Berm, just as surprised as we were to learn the cause of Himzoo Herm’s rage, assured us that Himzoo Herm would get over the loss of his Golden Pitchforks, only half of which were stolen. After a cheering-up visit to the local Waffle House, Himzoo Herm returned to his usual duties, although was more than happy to leave snide comments at all the Reporters he walked by, hinting at what he thought had happened. That afternoon, Himzoo Herm’s Saturday press conference whose focus is usually yibbing rates was packed full of reporters from various newspapers all asking the same questions: Who do you think is responsible f...
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Daily Update 11/28

  Duff Herm Salesmen Revolutionize the Holiday Shopping Industry For decades, Westlake Incorporated has been the leading toy manufacturer targeted for young Duff Herms, though this seems soon to be changed because their lead competitor and family owned business Hodgonson Rawe, a name of Eglish roots (from the country of Egland), has been gaining an increasingly large percent of the market share, with stores on averaging stocking three of their products for each of Westlake’s.  In addition to their family-friendly and more affordable products, they sell many products for the purpose of competing with Westlake, such as their Wobbly Pitchfork , which was their response to the toy sensation the Inflatable Pitchfork . These products have been vastly overlooked because of their excessive price tags which still remain approximately 30% higher than Westlake’s. Something else has changed, however, as even their most blatant rip-offs have gained traction in the industry and 40 new ...
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Daily Update 10/26

  Lions and Elephants Strut down the Streets of Hermatan After months of anticipation and careful planning both by the Berm and Himzoo Herm, dozens of elaborate and complex plans have been set into action to make Himzoo Herm’s birthday this year the most memorable of his life and by Himzoo Herm to figure out what surprises the Berm has planned. In addition to the drama in relation to Himzoo Herm’s birthday present, many measures will have to be taken to ensure that Himzoo Herm is able to make it to the Doccer Finals which are scheduled to be held only two days after his birthday this year and will present a difficult logistical dilemma for Himzoo Herms staffers in order for them to get him from one place to the other in such limitted time. As always, the Doccer Finals are on the move, travelling from Yostacorn last year to Hermatan this year, luckily not too far from Hermbul where Himzoo Herm’s birthday festivities will take place. The legendary event is planned to take place on ...
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